Auntie privileges

In Africa, it’s common for nearly every woman to be an auntie, because of the emphasis on community, rather than individuality.  I’ve been called aunt or auntie by any number of people, to include children, and even one or two of my students.

One of an auntie’s duties is to be the first to meet the young man that a girl may bring home, and you generally only bring home someone whom you intend to marry.  The aunties wield quite a lot of power in the family; not only do they first meet the beloved intended, they also set the calendar and timeline for the introduction and wedding.  Then the parents are informed.

Esther is a dear friend who dates back to my student days, and she is a delight.  When she received a proposal that she was one, willing to consider (because she had had several, and most weren’t worth considering), and two, willing to accept, she told me, which is a great honor.  

Then she told me she wanted me to meet him first.  Before the real aunties.  While this is a great privilege, this gave me no small amount of angst; what do I know about interviewing a prospective groom in Africa?

I asked Olivia, the former dean, what I needed to do in this interview, and she was as nonchalant as I was frantic:  “Oh, you just ask him what his intentions are, make sure he’s acceptable.”  Ah.  That solves it.  Ha!

So, when Esther brought her intended around, I had been in my collar, and decided to remain so dressed to up the intimidation factor.  Yes, I am that mean.  

The conversation went well; his intentions are indeed to marry Esther (and they want me to officiate the wedding!).  We had a lot to discuss, as they are from different tribes, she is ordained and he is not.  The tribal issues can be important, though neither he nor his family have a problem with it.

Though I was filling the role of an auntie, Esther is really more of a sister to me, so in conclusion, I told him that if he hurt her, I’d come after him.  He laughed, and I assured him that was no idle threat.  Then I think he took me seriously, which was my intent.